


Lessons

by Icecat62



Category: Emergency!
Genre: Descriptions of a sexual nature., Gen, Humor, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-21
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-14 03:31:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2176434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icecat62/pseuds/Icecat62
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Johnny gives Chris a lesson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lessons

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Johnny's Green Pen.

Pushing the shovel into the dirt, Gage grit his teeth as he hit an obstruction. Placing a booted foot on top of the shovel, he put all of his weight behind it and pushed. To his satisfaction, the shovel immediately went into the ground.

"Ya' know Roy, your septic system must really be a mess."

Roy looked up from the rose bush that he was unwrapping. "Why's that Johnny?"

"'Cause I've never seen a yard so full of roots that's why. No matter where we dig, we hit 'em." He paused to wipe a trickle of sweat from his forehead. "Man, it's really hot today."

Roy nodded his head in agreement. "After we're done, we can hose off and hit the pool."

Gage grinned as he looked across the yard at the above ground pool that he and Roy installed a few weeks ago. Seeing Jennifer and a few of her friends on the deck; his grin widened as she waved at him. The moment he waved back, her friends gave giddy squeals of laughter. Shaking his head, he chuckled. "Are you sure Jen's friends are fourteen? They act kinda' like ten year olds."

Roy glanced over at the three girls who were crowded together, laughing and taking quick looks to where they were working. Looking back at Gage, he smiled. His friend may have been thirty-one, but he still looked more like a man in his early twenties. With his trim build, boyish good looks and longish hair, he still got the occasional carding when they went out to buy alcohol.

Roy knew that if Gage had any clue that his daughter and her friends were ogling him, he would have immediately put his work-shirt back on instead of the tank top that he currently wore. "Oh, I don't know. You know how teenaged girls can get some times."

Gage frowned for a moment, his expression thoughtful. "Roy, I don't think I've ever remembered girls gigglin' and carryin' on like that when 'I' was in high school."

Roy chuckled. "That's because you didn't look like that in high school."

Gage gave him a confused look. "Huh?"

Roy almost laughed at the clueless look on Gage's face. He stood and wiped his hands off on his jeans. Counting the rose bushes, he frowned. "I don't think this'll be enough. Do you mind if I go back to Carney's and pick up a few more or do you want to ride along with?"

Gage waved a hand at him. "Nah, you go ahead. I'll finish digging so when you get back we can get this finished."

"Okay. Be back in a few."

Gage watched Roy for a moment as he walked over to the wagon, then turned back to the task at hand. Digging around the trellis, he sung softly along with the music that drifted over from the radio on the pool deck.

The quiet of the sunny afternoon was broken as the station changed from Duran Duran to some type of heavy metal song he didn't recognize. The change in music was quickly followed by Jennifer's voice piercing the air. "Uncle Johnny, Chris turned the station without asking!"

Gage could see a fight brewing and decided to put a damper on it before it escalated. "Chris!"

Christopher DeSoto looked up from the radio he was now holding out of Jennifer's reach and gave Gage a guilty look. Quickly setting the radio down, he glared at Jennifer. His voice was sarcastic and biting. "Little princess."

Jennifer scowled back at him. "Shut up!"

Gage yelled over again. "Chris, come on over here!"

Chris gave Jennifer another dirty look before he jumped off the deck and sauntered over to where Gage stood.

Gage smiled slightly as he watched Chris practically swagger toward him. The boy was the spitting image of Roy, except his hair was a dark brown like Joanne's. Leaning against the shovel, his smile widened. At seventeen Chris was almost an adult. Where had the years gone? It seemed like it was only yesterday that the boy was playing with toy firetrucks. As Chris came to stand before him, Gage chuckled. "Don't you have better things to do than pester Jenny and her little friends?"

Chris snorted, his voice bland. "I would if Dad would let me take the car."

Gage raised an eyebrow at him. "I don't see that happening for another week. Am I right?"

Chris kicked at a clump of dirt, his expression sullen. "Yeah."

Gage idly scratched at an itch on his arm. "If ya' don't mind me askin', why exactly did you get grounded?"

Chris gave him a surprised look. "Dad didn't tell you?"

Gage picked the shovel up and began digging another hole. Maybe he should have just kept his nose out of their business, but he couldn't help it. They were his 'family' and when something went wrong, he liked to help. "It's okay if you don't tell me. I mean, your dad didn't give any specifics, he just said you stayed out way too late."

Chris gave Gage a nervous look. Maybe he'd understand better than his dad and mom. "I uh…that is…"

"Chris, you don't have to tell me. I can tell it's kinda' personal."

Chris cleared his throat. "No…I mean maybe you could help me?"

"How? I don't think me talkin' to your dad will get you the car."

"No, not that, it's just…me and Cindy…my girlfriend. We were caught…you know…making out in the wagon."

Gage stopped digging the hole and looked directly at Chris, his eyebrows rising in surprise. "Caught by who? Your dad?"

Chris's ear tips turned red and he rubbed the back of his neck trying to relieve the tension that was building there. "By a cop. We were in the back seat…and well…we didn't do…I mean…we were just making out!"

Gage fought back the smile that threatened to appear on his face. He remembered exactly what being in the back seat of a car was for. Heck, he still found himself in those situations now. The smile he was fighting won over as he remembered some of his more pleasant excursions.

Chris immediately gave him an irritated look. "It's not funny."

Gage shook his head no and laughed. "I'm not laughing at you Chris, I'm just sympathizing. I got caught so many times that you'd have thought I would have learned my lesson. Heck, I spent half my senior year grounded because of that same reason."

Chris immediately relaxed. He had been right. Gage could help him with his little dilemma because he had experienced the same exact thing that he was going through. "I…Uncle Johnny…Cindy and I…we almost…but…"

He took a deep breath. This was harder than he thought it would be. "Dad…he doesn't understand. I mean you've been 'around'. How do you convince them that it's okay? And…you know…condoms."

Gage stared blankly back at Chris. Was Chris asking him how to get a girl to sleep with him? He did say the word condom didn't he? Putting two and two together, Gage felt his cheeks flush hotly. "Uh…I think you should ask your dad that stuff."

Chris huffed in exasperation. "Dad doesn't know any of that stuff! Him and mom have been together since grade school. You've been with a lot of women. You know what you're doing."

Gage snorted back a laugh. Sure he was more experienced than Roy, but as for knowing what he was doing? Sometimes he hadn't a clue what the women he was dating wanted. And yes, he got more than his fair share of sex, but should he really be talking to Chris about it? He was Roy's son after all and he didn't want to overstep his boundaries as an uncle. He'd unknowingly slipped up in the past and it led to a few problems that took a while to smooth over. "I don't know Chris. Your dad might not appreciate me 'helping' you out with this…predicament."

"But we…Cindy…she wants to and I don't know what to do!"

Gage's eye widened. Chris didn't need help in getting the girl in the sack, he just needs safety instructions.

Dropping the shovel, Gage wiped his hands on his jeans. "Okay Chris, but this is between you and me. I don't need your mom and dad mad at me for helping you out. You know how they are."

Chris breathed a sigh of relief. "Yeah, you just mention the word sex and they freak out."

Gage grinned. Chris was right on the mark with that statement. Roy and Joanne were like sheep near a mountain lions den when it came to talking about sex. "What exactly do you need to know?"

Chris's face turned pink. "Um…condoms. What do 'you' use?"

Gage could feel his face heating up, but he soldiered on. "Trojans. They've been around forever and so far I haven't had any problems with them if you get my drift."

Chris nodded his head yes, even though he was a little confused by what Gage meant when he said problems. "How do you…when it's on…how do you know it's right?"

Gage mentally went through the steps on how he put on a condom, but he couldn't think of a way to explain it to Chris without showing him and he sure in the hell wasn't about to do a personal demonstration.

"Uncle Johnny?"

Gage's eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers. "Do you guys have any bananas?"

Chris looked confused at first, then started laughing as he understood what Gage meant. "Yeah, we do. Mom bought a bunch the other day."

Now all he had was the problem of getting the banana and showing Chris what to do. He sure in the hell wasn't going to ask Chris to go and bring one outside. Not with Jennifer and her little friends as an audience. "Is your mom still inside?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs making new curtains for Jen's room."

"Good. Let's go in and I'll give you a quick demo."

Chris grinned and nodded his head yes. He knew he could count on his uncle to help him.

As they walked passed the pool, Jennifer and her friends remained silent; their eyes tracking them as they walked across the yard. Gage had the distinct feeling that he was being checked out. He tried pushing the thought from his head. It was ridiculous. They were only fourteen-year-old girls. Why would they be looking at him?

When he and Chris reached the sliding screen door to the house, the girls broke out into giggles and began whispering. Chris made a face. "They are so juvenile. Just ignore them Uncle Johnny."

Gage didn't want to ask Chris if he knew what they were talking about. Between how he felt now and what Roy had said earlier, he was finally putting two and two together and was embarrassed as hell by it.

Ignoring the teenaged girls' adoration, he walked into the kitchen. Going over to the doorway to the living room, he yelled up the stairs. "Hey Jo, it's just me n' Chris! We're gettin' a little snack! You want anything?"

Her voice yelled back. "No thank you, maybe later!"

Clapping his hands together, Gage walked over to Chris who waved in the direction the bunch of bananas that sat on the counter. Gage eyed them warily. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Steeling himself, he plucked one of them from the bunch and set it to the side as he reached into his back jeans pocket and pulled out his wallet. As he opened it, he gave Chris a hard stare. "Remember…this is between you and me. I don't need your mom and dad po'd at me."

Chris raised his hand in a traditional scout salute. "I promise. I swear to God I won't say a thing to them."

As Gage took a condom from his wallet, Chris's eyebrows went up. "You have two?"

Gage took a deep breath and fought off the embarrassment that he was feeling. This was harder to do than he thought it would be. "Well…you should always have a back-up. In case you some how mess up putting on the first one."

Gage remembered the time he'd done exactly that and having only one condom meant he and his girlfriend did nothing. And boy did that frustrate the hell out of him since he had spent the past hour convincing her to do it with him. "You also…well…sometimes you just might…you know…do it more than once too."

Chris gaped at him. "You can do that?"

"Well yeah. If you…look how about I just show you how to do this. You'll have plenty of chances in the future to figure out the rest of the stuff on your own."

Chris gave him a disappointed look as he nodded his head yes, but he didn't argue with him and for that Gage was grateful.

"Okay, first things first. Make sure the condom's good. If it's been in your wallet too long, throw it out and use a new one. And don't ever leave them in your glove compartment of the car 'cause the heat'll ruin 'em."

"How do you know that?"

"Just trust me Chris, I know."

Gage tore the foil packet open. "Be careful you don't tear the condom along with the wrapper. Take it out…" He held it by the rim. "…and see which way it rolls out."

He showed what he meant to Chris who nodded in understanding.

Grabbing the banana from the counter, Gage held it in front of him. Sighing, he knew what he'd have to do to put it on the right way. The things he did for Roy's kids!

Chris snickered as Gage tucked the banana between his thighs. Gage cocked an eyebrow at him, then smiled evilly. Taking the banana from between his thighs, he held it out to Chris. "Put this the same place I did."

Chris frowned, then smirked as he took the banana from Gage and moved forward as if he were going to put the banana back between Gage's legs.

Gage backed up and laughed. "You're a real comedian Chris."

"Sorry."

Tucking the banana between his thighs, Chris laughed. "I sure hope no one comes in."

Gage smiled. "You and me both."

Stepping up to Chris, he gave him the condom. "Okay, now you put the tip into the center, grasp it kinda' between your thumb and two fingers and roll it all the way down. Use your other hand to keep it in place."

Chris did as he was instructed and quickly had the banana sheathed in  
the condom. "That's it?"

Gage nodded his head yes. "Yup."

"Oh."

Gage then thought about what had to be done 'after' the deed. "Oh…and when you're done…you know…you hafta' hold the base…the rim…so it doesn't…you don't want it coming off if you know what I mean."

Chris stared at him. "Huh?"

Gage sighed. Chris just couldn't make this easy for him. "Grab around the top where the rim is when you pull out…make sure it stays on or you just might have yourself a really big problem in nine months."

Chris's face turned red as he understood what Gage was telling him. "Oh…okay."

Taking the condom-covered banana from between his legs, Chris held it up and inspected it. "Um…how do I know what size to use?"

Gage resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "Get medium. Hardly anyone needs a large and if you have to use a small…well…that's your business."

"Okay. Trojans…medium."

"And Chris, make sure you're really careful."

He pointed a finger at him, his voice stern, and his expression hard. "And don't go forcing your girlfriend into it if she's not ready. If she says no, then that's it. Understand?"

Chris gave Gage a funny look. "You mean you don't keep asking them?"

Gage smirked as he ran a hand through his hair. "There's a difference between asking and forcing the issue. You'll know because the latter will make you feel guilty as hell."

Gage almost said the asking would be more like begging, but he kept his mouth shut.

"I'll remember that."

Chris held the banana up. "Thanks again for showing me. Dad would 'never' have done it and Mom…I couldn't even discuss something like this with her."

"No problem Chris. I'd rather you ask your dad, but if there's anything and I mean anything you ever feel that you can't talk to him about, I'll listen."

"Thanks. That means a lot. You know how uptight Dad can be some…"

The sound of the screen door sliding back startled the pair. Chris froze, his eyes widening in panic. Gage on the other hand snatched the condom covered banana from Chris and in one smooth motion, managed to peel off the condom and jam it in his jeans pocket. Roy strolled in oblivious to what the two were up to.

"Jennifer said you two came in here. I have the rose bushes, but they can wait until after lunch or did you guys already eat?"

Chris remained silent, too afraid to answer his dad, knowing that he would some how spill the beans.

Gage held the banana up and gave Roy a weak smile. "Uh…no. We were gettin' a snack, but lunch sounds better."

Gage froze as he spotted the condom wrapper on the counter next to the bunch of bananas. Chris caught his eye, then spied the wrapper as well. His face went white as a sheet. Hefting the banana, Gage stepped over to the counter and set the banana down and palmed the wrapper. Jamming his hands in his pockets, he smiled at Chris. "Guess I don't need to eat a banana if we're gonna' have lunch."

Roy looked from Chris to Gage and back to Chris again. They were up to something. Chris was pale and Gage was more nervous than a cat in room full of rocking chairs. He almost opened his mouth to ask them what they were up to, but thought better. The answers he usually wound up getting from the pair never made any sense and he would only end up confused and irritated.

Walking over to the refrigerator, Roy began taking out the fixings for the sandwiches. At the same time Joanne came in the room and Jennifer and her two friends bounced in as well. The kitchen quickly became a chaotic mess as each person vied for space to make their lunch.

Joanne raised her voice, bringing the room to absolute silence. "Okay everyone! She pointed at the girls. "You three at the table. I'll make the sandwiches. Roy, you can pour the milk. Johnny can you get the chips from the cupboard? Chris, get some pickles from the pantry please."

As Gage reached up in the cupboard to get the chips, he noticed Jennifer looking at him with a smile on her face. He automatically grinned back at her, immediately regretting it when her two friends began giggling and they began whispering things to Jennifer that he couldn't hear.

Pouring the chips in a bowl, he shuddered as a thought ran through his head. Jennifer was growing up so fast. Before he knew it she'd be Chris's age. What if Jennifer asked him to help 'her' with contraceptives?

He sure hoped that Joanne would answer her questions because after today's little demo, he didn't know if he could go through it again.

END


End file.
